FFFF#19: Because we've all been there

Happy New Year!!!

I will go into my New Year's resolutions in detail more when I get back from Hawaii (yep, still on vacation!) but one resolution is for sure: At some point this year (hopefully by August of course, but I will settle for any point during 2010!) I will make my goal weight/size!

And there will be no more of the above illustration happening in 2010 or beyond. Period.

Shake (Off) What Your Mama Gave You!

Does anyone else find it strange that amongst the list of things I want to do when I am at my goal size, there are quite a few... how shall we say, "risque" activities?

Things like:

-- I want to be a Hooters girl! (No really, I do!)
-- I want to pole dance & actually be really good at it (No really, I do!)
-- I want to dance in a cage or in a glass booth behind a bar, or something along those lines (No really, I do!)
-- I want to work in a Bikini Bar or Coyote Ugly type bar (no really, I do!)

Does this make me a whore??? LOL (yes, yes, I use the term loosely and in jest, and my apologies if I offend anyone)

And you can't forget about the flip side; all these jobs require some degree of talent. No, seriously, they do!

Pole dancing? Just go to youtube and search for a 'how to' video or look up 'Pole Dancing Championships' and you will see just how much strength, flexibility, agility, grace, and stage presence this highly skilled artform takes (yep, that's right, I called it an art form. C'mon... take away the pole and give those girls a few more feet of fabric covering their bodies and you're got professional gymnasts right there!

Dancing in a confined space? Again, skill, talent, and stage presence.

Bar work or a Hooters Girl? OK, technically the extent of their talents lie in don't spill the drinks or mix ups the orders. But think about it, do you have the mental ability and sparkling personality perseverance to deal with drunk oogling frat boys? or worse, drunk oogling businessmen? That takes skill (even if that 'skill' is just simple 'patience' and 'tolerance'!) And hey, some of those bar girls have mad mixing skills!

But yes, I will admit, at the end of the day all of these can be perceived as demeaning and/or shallow jobs. So why would I want to do them?

Because never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would not only have the body to do these jobs, but the confidence in myself that I could pull it off. I wouldn't even dare DREAM any of these things are possible.

But now I am daring to dream. Partly because I know I can shape, create, and mould the body *I* want. And my destiny is my chioce and my responsibility.

But mostly because I know I am creating and building the kind of confidence it will take for me to do one or any of these jobs with my head held high if I ever decide to do one or any of them.

And no matter how 'demeaning', or 'judged' I am by others, I will do these things with my head held high quite simply BECAUSE I CAN.

And I know for a fact that when I feel confident about something, I really don't give a **** what people think! (hey it's true, I'm blunt like that). All I know is I'm confident in my decision and you can judge me all you want without it affecting me in the slightest. How? Because at the end of the day you're not me or living my life so what do you care? Naturally of course you are entitled to your own opinion, but when i'm comfortable and confident in something your opinion doesn't matter to me at all. Not even a teensy bit. And besides being free of being overweight, being free of caring about other people's judgment of me will be the sweetest success of all.

Non-Scale Victories are SOOO Much Sweeter!

I'm just going to come straight out with it:

Today I popped into one of these!<<-----------------------------------------

I couldn't believe it! I don't remember when I stopped being able to do a Standing Split but I do remember the last time I was able to do one with no problems. It was around the time when I was still dancing: so around 18 years old. I'm now 27. While my friends tonight were happy for me, no-one could understand why I was SOO excited about this discovery. Because it meant so many things to me, & as much as I love my new friends dearly, that's just it: they're new. They don't know everything about me (yet).

So there I was in massage class, and I always tend to get a little restless in our practical classes. I think it's the yoga pants and t-shirt uniform and being so aware of my body and everyone elses' bodies, it makes me want to dance, jump around, stretch, and just basically be active!

Well tonight we were working on Range of Motion and of course everyone has different ranges and levels of flexibility. Totally understandable and normal; it's what makes you YOU & what trains us to be good Massage Therapists: Understanding that every BODY is different. I mentioned to CSB that I wish I was still flexible enough to do a standing split. He & another friend asked what I meant. So I grabbed my right instep of my foot with my right hand and said "It's when you grab your foot like this, and you try straighten your leg but I haven't been able to do it for years.... See..." I slowly started to demonstrate and it was clear that my right leg just didn't want to straighten while my right hand was holding it. Poop!

Then I had a "What if..." moment and I very slowly bent my left leg (that I was standing on) and tried to straighten my right leg again. All 3 of us were a little surprised when amazingly my right leg straightened! The final test? Could I hold my right leg straight in the air while straightening my left leg?..... YES! YES I CAN!

WOOT! WOOT! SUCCESS!!!

My gf was surprised & happy for me, I was elated, and CSB was surprised too until he rolled his eyes & turned away (I caught him blushing a little! haha... Why is it boys hear "splits" and their mind goes to one place: the gutter?). I released, I did a little happy dance, and then I did it again to make sure it wasn't a fluke. Nope, not a fluke! Did another standing split like it was nothing! It felt like I really achieved something today: for the first time in a while, I felt like I made real progress.

First off, this means I'm getting more flexible again. Working on getting back to doing the splits effortlessly is something I have been slowly working towards. There's something so liberating and almost empowering to be a "big girl" but show that your size has nothing to do with being flexible.

Secondly, I'd like to think I've lost some inches. Depending on what kind of stretch your doing, there are certain things you just can't do no matter how flexible you are because your rolls of fat get in the way! So either I lost a few inches or got uber flexible; possibly a combination of both. Either way, it's win/win.

Lastly, it's something I haven't been able to do since I was a small size 14 and was fit enough to dance in the World Championships. It was very nostalgic for me in a way. It was a big flashback to another time in my life when I was a size and of a fitness level that I was comfortable with and could do all kinds of things that I took for granted. And today, I earned one of those things back. It felt amazing.

I had forgotten how much more rewarding a non-scale achievement is. Sure, seeing certain numbers is enough to make anyone jump and shout, but those non-scale ones can't be forgotten. For me, they are twice as special. Perhaps because they don't seem to happen as frequently. Regardless, they are not just numbers measuring my progress. They are progress you can see & feel & really connect to. Not just a mind game, which the numbers on the scale can be for me at times. I'm not saying it's altogether a a bad thing though (hey there's nothing like walking around knowing you lost x amount of pounds this week!) but there's something about running an extra mile, fitting into a smaller size, or surviving a party and staying perfectly on plan that has more heart to it.

It inspired me that I'm inching closer to a life I used to have: of fitness, strength, flexibility, and body confidence. But more so it inspires my imagination of what those things will actually be in reality and what they will mean to me this time around. No doubt it will be very different. I am sure my body has changed a lot in 10 years, and not just because I put it under the stress of carrying around so much weight. It's exciting to feel like I took a big step towards that today. I took a big step into my past and into my future simultaneously and it felt incredible!

Frequent Flyer Loser Miles

I'm sharing from my New Bestie already! This list of mini-goal rewards is definitely a work in progress. I expect it to grow and change as I continue to shrink and change! But here's what I have so far...

note: Because I grew up in the metric system, kilograms have more meaning to me (they have more weight. haha.. sorry, I couldn't resist!) I like weighing in pounds because they are just numbers to me, they don't mean anything more than 3 digits used to measure my progress. So you'll notice as I get closer to goal the kg number has a meaning to me :)


254
lowest weight on this journey so far
Permission to sleep in and have a lazy morning. Skim latte (omg haven't had one in forever!!) and read a magazine from cover to cover.

249
closer to 200 than 300
mani/pedi time!

236
100lbs total lost
full body 90 minute massage. Mmm can't wait! It will be worth the splurge of $$$!

220
100kg and JC half-way point
Haven't quite decided for sure what this reward should be for what is quite a significant milestone. Except for the cost, I am thinking a bodybugg would be perfect!

199
under 200lbs. FOREVER!
Mama needs a brand new bag!

187
85kg & Re-evaluate
get the shoes to match the purse!
Even though I am partial to flats, I promise myself that these will be special party shoes (ie. heels) and not new Nikes.
***This is also my re-evaluate weight. Am I happy here with my size? Do I want to keep going? If so, how much more?

176
80kg. This is approximately the highest weight I was while I was still dancing.
Go out dancing till dawn! (Thinking Splash so that it just about the dancing and not about the boys (or at least, not about boys for me!))

165
75kg. WOW. This used to be my weight when I considered myself an average size.
Haven't quite decided on this reward either. So far am thinking a simple (but effective!) day of R&R and pampering: sleep in, hair done, mani/pedi massage, (window) shopping - whatever I feel like! But it must be work & study free!

155
70kg. GOAL!!!
NEW WARDROBE!
VEGAS VACATION!
BIKINI SHOPPING!
Margaritas with one of my girls
(there's a story here. She is my last JC consultant and we have become good friends. One week I had a weight gain and I mentioned I had margaritas. She understood the need to have a drink on occasion but insisted it NOT be margaritas! She said she would treat me to my next margarita & it will be at goal as a fun splurge. I'm really looking forward to it!)

Forgive Me, For I Have Sinned

OK. Confession Time.

I don't understand why this has been so hard for me to admit because this blog is anonymous after all. I think I fear the failure as well as the judgment and pity party. But here goes....

You may remember I started this blog when my favourite JC consultant left JC for bigger and better things. At the time I also decided it would be the perfect time to take a little break from the food and gorge myself on summer fresh fruits, vegetables, and salads. I promised myself 4 weeks of eating what I wanted (without going overboard) and seeing if I could do it.

True to my word I returned to JC in September. And the biggest reason I did? I was clueless without it! Now, I know a lot of you will say that I have to learn eventually so you might as well learn now. But I disagree. That does not work for me. It's too much to handle and I know me well enough to know that I need to take baby steps or else I might thrown in the towel. So I need tackle one thing at a time: First I want to get the weight off, then I will work on how to eat to maintain (instead of learning how to eat to lose). In my mind, a slip when I'm already at my desired size is very different to a slip while I'm still trying to get there.

But there's another reason. You may notice my tickers have not been moving. That's because I'm scared to update them. In those 4 weeks away I GAINED 10LBS.

OMG I can barely believe I just admitted that. But it's true. I gained 9.8lbs to be exact. And I NEED to confess in order to progress :)

Because despite being sick and my crazy schedule now that I am back to JC, I am slowly but surely losing again. And I can't track it on here because I'm not being honest about my current weight. So like last Thursday when I was so happy that I lost 1.4lbs? I felt like I couldn't share it because losing 1.4lbs was still 7.4 UP from my original weight for this blog.

But enough of that! It's in the past! Breathe & reboot!

SO! OCTOBER GOAL: Back to 260 (or beyond).

It pains me to say that. But it must be done. It also pains me because it makes my ultimate goal a little harder to reach in the time frame I originally wanted; but like I said previously I still intend on making it eventually, even if it takes ANOTHER 365 days.

And it's more important that I am completely honest. The good, the bad, AND the ugly. After all, too much denial has taken place already. Because I know when I weighed 336lbs I told myself I didn't care and it didn't matter. How I believed that, I'll never know. But one thing's for sure: denial doesn't live here anymore and honesty must, must, MUST exist at all times.

I feel like I should say 5 Hail Marys and then go for a run. But seeing as I'm not overtly religious, I think I'll just go for the run instead.

Dead without Deadlines

I think it's time to start setting more mini-goals WITH dates attached.

I think I stopped when I was failing them more often than not and it was really starting to get me down.

But it's time to slap myself and snap out of it (did anyone else just picture Cher in Moonstruck?) Deadlines will push me to succeed. And if I fail the deadline it does not mean I failed myself!!! Quite the opposite! The only way I fail is without trying at all.

So! Another mini-goal: I am currently on week 2 of c25k. That means week 9 is the last week of October. So by October 31st I should be able to run 5k! No stopping, no walking, no cheating, just running!!!

FFFF #2: Coulda Woulda Shoulda

I shouldn't "should" myself to death, but here's my list for Factors to be Fat Free Friday anyway!

Under the microscope...

1.) Collarbones. I should be able to see them clearly
2.) Chin. There should only be 1, regardless of angle
3.) When I wave at someone and then stop, my upper arm should not still be waving at them on its on accord
4.) My belly shouldn't need its own sports bra when I run
5.) Dimples belong on my FACE cheeks, not my butt cheeks
6.) Because buying clothes for your width when you are drowning in the height gets really old, really fast
7.) I believe that extra extra wide calf boots should be able to fit me
8.) I hate bony backs but my shoulder blades should be at least slightly prominent
9.) I shouldn't have a fat roll under each armpit like a 3rd & 4th boob respectively
10.) I should be tight and toned, not flabby and jiggly!

Off for a wog. If I run hard enough and my belly bounces enough, maybe it will bounce right off me!

Is "Struggling" an Ugly Word?

Even though I have only been blogging for about a month now, I have been on this journey since July 2007. When I remind myself that I have been losing or trying to lose for over 2 years, I am a little more forgiving of myself when I see my inspiration and motivation wavering.

But I don't like to admit that I have trouble staying focused. Because in a sense, I don't. Am I happy where I am physically? No. Do I still want the same goals as I did in the beginning? Even more than ever. It's the daily grind, the small stuff that seems to be giving me in the most trouble. But I hate saying I'm struggling; perhaps because it's a form of saying "I need help".

So lately, I have been in search of things to keep me motivated. To stay inspired. Because every little choice is a step closer to my goal. At the moment, I am probably succeeding on about 50% of those tiny daily choices. I need to get that back up to 80% and up.

This blog is one of those things. And it is definitely helping keep my mind on track. And you, lovely readers, were my surprise bonus; you and your blogs inspire me more than I ever could inspire myself on my own.

Typically, I am a very visual person. I think there's a reason I used to scrapbook and journal. Writing entries one day, cutting out images that move and inspire me the next. In one of my random google searches I came across these female athletes:

T-Nation: Figure Athletes

Now, I'll be the first to admit that some of these women have a few too many muscles and veins showing than I would like! But some of them don't. Some are just lean and firm with slight muscle definition. I find images like this so inspiring. To know it really IS possible to look like that.

I know I won't ever look exactly like that. I will look like MY version of that. And you know what? That version will be even better than any of those pics combined!

So I am very excited about aiming for Hawaii for Thanksgiving! I am hoping for a brand new swim suit for then. It may not be a bikini but if it doesn't include a swim skirt or the words "Miraclesuit"* then I'll be one happy camper!

(Failing Hawaii, then I'm going somewhere warm and tropical for Christmas, so either way, I've GOT to get my jiggly big butt in gear!!)

*Not that I don't love MiracleSuits! I would just prefer to be wearing them in a size 8 or 10, not a size 16 or 18!

It's just like I imagined, only better!

I almost didn't post today. My new work schedule has meant that Wednesday is typically my lazy day. My 'do whatever I want' day.

Now this doesn't mean a hiatus from my diet or exercise plans, but it does mean a little vacation from responsibility for a day. No bill paying, no money-worrying, no meetings, no phone calls to make, no errands to run. Nothing but whatever I FEEL like doing. However, blogging felt like the one "responsibility" that it feels wrong to take a break from. So here I am.

I have been throwing around ideas about Hawaii for Thanksgiving. It's the next time I'll be able to get away if I so choose, and to be honest, it probably won't happen. But I think I'll keep that little fact a secret from myself. Why? Because the moment I started to really picture it, I suddenly found myself a) wishing I could be swimsuit ready by then, and b) calculating exactly how much time there is between now and then and thinking of realistic yet challenging goals to fit the time frame.

The point is I haven't felt that kind of motivation in a while. I am not sure when I stopped setting mini-goals like that for myself, but it's definitely time to start again!

Sure, there are the post-event motivators ("that was fun but next time, I'm going to be THIS size!"), and there are rewards ("only 4 more workouts till my mani/pedi!") but there is nothing quite like focusing on a future event.

Deciding on a future event, picturing it, imagining it, how much fun it will be, how exciting it is. Then picture it 20lbs lighter. Or in a smaller dress size. WOW! Makes a huge difference doesn't it? Suddenly everything gets brighter, happier, and more hopeful. Suddenly skipping the cheese in your salad or getting in an extra walk is so effortless because that future goal is so real and so beautiful, you'll do what you have to to make it a reality.

So here I am. A little under 3 months from Thanksgiving, and I want to see what I can do! Because my weight is being such a little b**ch right now, I'm going to focus on size.

At LEAST one size smaller by November 26 2009.

I would love to say 2 sizes, but seeing as my weight and size don't move much these days I want to keep it realistic. So one size smaller is my red velvet cake. Two sizes smaller is the creamy rich icing on top. (three sizes is the sprinkles, the whipped cream, some vanilla ice cream, chocolate fudge drizzled on top along with some fresh cut strawberries; and taking a photo of the whole damned cake instead of eating it in fear of undoing all the hard work of losing three dress sizes in the first place!)

Maybe the reason I stopped picking future events to focus on is that my social life isn't as happening these days (by choice), so there aren't as many events to plan on and look forward to, but the why/what/how's of that are for another post.

PS. I just downloaded the Lose Weight with Andrew Johnson app onto my iPod Touch. Now, I know this guy is good to relax to because I've used his free Relaxation app and every single time I fall asleep within 10 minutes! And as someone who usually lies awake for 30-60minutes, that's really saying something! (Plus you gotta love that sexy Scottish accent of his... Mmmm...) I hate paying for apps but I figured if he doesn't help me lose weight, he'll definitely help me get to sleep! Only done it once so far, but gotta say I haven't had any cravings today and of all things, I had the incredible urge to cook. ME! Cook! HA!!! (The only thing I make successfully in the kitchen is a mess. And several small fires) So I don't know whether to attribute that to the Sexy Scottish Hypnosis Relaxation sounds I drifted to sleep to, or if the stars were aligned, or if it was just some random occurrence. Time will tell. I've always been a little curious about hypnosis and the subconscious when it comes to dealing with addictions, fears, and the like. I'll definitely keep you posted!

Back in the Game!

Alarm goes off.
I turn it off.
I contemplate going back to sleep.
Wait, I am experiencing déjà vu.
This happened yesterday morning, & I remember how mad and upset I was at myself.
Not again.
Not today.

Success! Up and out the door at 630am to get my wog on! I feel great!
Most of all, I'm excited about my next workout. I finally feel ready to move on to week 2 of c25k. Watch this space...

Start Immediately. No Exceptions.

Why didn't I work out this morning??? Grr!! I am so mad at myself right now!!!

Although I did have a much needed sleep in. I haven't been getting much sleep these days. I'm not too sure what that's about.

Truth be told, I am feeling fat and sloth-like. I need to run! (damn sunburn) I also need to go back to Jenny Craig. This past month has been a refreshing break from it, but now I am ready to get back to the no-brainer diet.

Here's something interesting: when I follow Jenny Craig exactly, I lose weight. Sometimes a lot. If I fudge it, or skip it, or substitute it, etc, the results aren't as great, if there are even results at all! So why do I cheat? I'm not just cheating my diet, I'm cheating me. Am I weak? Am I scared? Why do something so stupid? Definitely all good questions and I don't have a solid answer for it yet. In the meantime, I am determined to follow the program down to the last lettuce leaf if it will in some way get me off this damn plateau!

Part of me wants to say tomorrow is a brand new day. A fresh start. Luckily I read something in my horoscope that I feel can be applied directly here. In fact, it was a quote:

“To change one's life: start immediately. Do it flamboyantly. No exceptions.”

- William James

Well, I think Will is right. Why start tomorrow when I can start immediately? Unfortuantely I am at work until 11pm (Grr! Only adding to my frsutration!) So no brisk walk at dusk, but what I can do is drink this 1.5L bottle of water I have here and eat the yummy salad I just ordered for dinner, bypass the bar on the way home from work, get lots of Zzzz's, and get that walk in first thing tomorrow.

No excuses!

PS. One of the best things about Vegas is the extra incentive and motivation: when I go there next summer, I want to be wearing a bikini! No exceptions.

The tweet that made my day

I just received the nicest tweet. Of course all my new found twitter friends are fabulous, but this tweet was extra special.

It was from a girl with roughly the same weight stats as me saying I am already motivating her. Wow! This makes me feel amazing!

I set out with this blog and twitter account to act like jumper cables to a car battery that has run out of juice. I was the car battery. I needed a jolt. I needed something to motivate myself and to keep me
accountable.

Although i know ive collected a lot of knowledge on this weight loss journey (and from throughout the years), i am still learning. By no means am i yet surpassing the teacher and am eons away from becoming a master (but i will one day. Just watch!) So I feel honored and humbled that already someone can look at me and say 'that motivates me'.

Plus it made me realize another great reason to "keep on bloggin' to keep on losin'". That just as much as I like finding information and/or people so I can see that I'm not alone on this crazy life-altering journey, I just might be one of those people to someone else.

Talk about warm fuzzies. It's like paying it forward only I'm not done yet! Isn't it cool how with this kind of stuff you don't have to wait to pay it forward?

PS. Just watch this space! Cause eventually I'll be the girl who can proudly say I lost a total of 181lbs and will be fully armed with knowledge, love, and the confidence to pay it forward!

Crunching the Numbers

I usually hate math, but when it comes to weight loss there's nothing I love more than punching all those numbers into a calculator!

I am aiming to lose a total of 53.8% of me. WOW!

Failing that, my other goal weight (my "let's get to this point and reassess" weight) is 180. Which would still be a total loss of 46.4%. Definitely not too shabby at all, huh? :)

I'm currently at 22.6% of my original weight gone (gone forever I might add). So I am veerrry close to finally being half way!

I am sure the best is yet to come...

A Quickie For Friday

I seem to be wavering at the moment. Or at least it feels like it now that I have gone back to exercise only every second day (my muscles are telling me that they need a little rest, or is that a sign that I should push them harder?)

This is just a little note to say today I vow to only put things in my mouth of nutritional value. I will gorge myself on fruit and vegetables, and I will drink all my water. I will make sure that by the end of today my pedometer reads at least 8000.

Hanging in there. I think those rehearsals through me off a bit. I didn't so much binge as just eat at all the wrong times. But now I am back to my normal schedule, which is comforting. Comforting and a relief, and a little bit scary too.

Cause it means the only thing standing in my way is ME.

Run With It!

All these thoughts running through my head about running (no pun intended) Where to start?!

First off, I am in an excellent mood! Gotta love that endorphin rush post-workout! Like Elle Woods said, "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't."

Secondly, my big news! This morning I finally actually ran every single interval to completion for week 1 of the c25k program!! YAY ME! I have been pseudo doing c25k for a while now. I told myself I do not need to complete the program in nine weeks, I can - and should - take my time; and only move up to the next level when I can confidently say that I can complete the level I'm on and still be standing at the end of it.



I say 'pseudo doing c25k' because I have been on week 1 on and off ever since I started which was back on January 1st as a New Years Resolution! (OK, so I did give myself a bit of a deadline: Even though I instructed myself to take my time, I was pretty sure it was feasible to finish by the program by Dec 31 2009!)

Besides starting then stopping then having to start all over again and again (and again), I think it took me so long to get the hang of it because I was running wrong! Which would totally make sense why i couldn't do it before even though it is a program designed for beginners! I think there were two main things I was doing wrong: 1.) going too fast, and 2.) Too much bounce.

I thought about this last night as I was really lamenting my missing workout yesterday. Why do I have so much trouble running? After a little googling and a little 'tortoise and the hare' inspiration, I came up with those two major issues. I was excited for this morning because I was eager to test them out. And sure enough, jogging and staying low to the ground equals completing all intervals successfully!

I won't lie, towards the end of some of the intervals I wanted to die. But I just kept telling myself "JUST KEEP JOGGING". Even if I can WALK faster than I'm jogging (!!!) it doesn't matter. "JUST KEEP JOGGING". I kept wanting to walk an interval, but I kept telling myself 'just one more... just one more...'. Finally, I gave in and actually had made the decision that I am walking the next 'running interval'. But then the little voiceover came on and said it was my second last interval. Oh hell no! There was no way I could walk it now! And throw the towel in? Not be able to say I officially completed it? The end was in sight! I KNEW I could do it! And voila... looks like I did!

The other source of my surge of determination to do this was because I was starting to really question the whole 'you should still be able to have a conversation while working out' thing. You know, how to know if your heart rate is in optimum 'fat burning' mode. But after my little googling session on running, I was presented with a new theory. Our bodies are designed to run.

When it comes down to it our bodies have not evolved that much since the caveman era (that topic is definitely for another post! I could go on and on!). I read somewhere that if you want to lose weight, burn fat, get lean, etc. then run, don't walk. A running body is a lean body. The body is forced to shed unwanted layers of fat. Because it's more "aerodynamic" (hmm, I think I just fell in love with a new word! Say it with me now: "aerodynamic". Lovely) I know this is a very simple concept, but phrasing it in this way has really clicked for me for some reason. 'Running makes you lean'. When really, that is so obvious: have you ever seen a fat runner?

So new new concept is JUST RUN. Screw the 'you should still be able to have a conversation' concept. Run for your life! Be out of breath! Push it hard then push it harder! Suck air in through your eyeballs if you could cause you need it so badly! As Jillian Michaels would say "Unless You Puke, Faint or Die, Keep Going!"

PS. it's so nice to start the day with 'negative' calories. yay for running before breakfast!

SIDENOTE: just a little observation - I no longer need to frantically check the time during my commute. I will get there when I get there. No more 'will there be time for a cigarette before work?' wondering anymore!!!! Talk about liberating. How do smokers not realize they are walking around in their own mini-prison? Attached permanently to a ball and chain of their own making? Ahh... the joys of...

DAY 7 OF BEING SMOKEFREE!!!