Recommended Reading

Even though I have completed both a Bachelors and a Masters degree, I will admit I have never been good at keeping up with the recommended reading. Required reading I do a little better at, but honestly I would always barely get through that, if I got through all of it in the first place (I'm good at talking, debating, & proving my point with examples all topped off with a hint of defiance, confidence, and a sprinkling of bulls**t so I get away with it; Sometimes I think I should have been a lawyer instead).

So I want to say to all my lovely readers, most of which have blogs, that I do read your blogs too! I don't always leave comments, but for the first time in my life I am LOVING my recommended reading list!

But I do have a question: Much like the tree falling in the proverbial woods, if a reader reads a blog but leaves no comment, did the reading of it actually happen?

Do people prefer comments regardless, or only if they have something to say? I will admit more often than not that I fall into the latter. But I'm thinking we all love getting comments right? So even if I leave a little 'great post!' it makes all the difference, doesn't it?

Hmm... yet on the other hand as much as we love comments, a whole list of comments not really saying anything would be tiresome, no? Appreciated, but banal at the same time...?

I haven't quite decided. But I do think I should make a more conscious effort to comment on your blogs. Even if I have nothing further to add because you already summed it up so sucintly, then at the very least I just want to show my support and that I'm here :)

I'm Walking Away

My Leslie Sansone DVDs have arrived!

I finally saved up the cash & remembered to hit amazon.com and ordered 3 of them. Free shipping too! (Because who pays for shipping these days, really!)

So here we go! No more excuses...

Daylight Savings ended & it's dark out all the time? Solved!
No space in teeny NYC apartment? Solved!
No exercise equipment? Solved!

Even the time crunch is solved because even just a mile will do wonders. Especially if it's in the morning. It will fire up my metabolism at the start of the day and as long as I eat consistantly and in small portions, and drink lots of water, I'm able to keep it burning at maximum rate. And hey, just a mile at whatever point in the day is better than nothing!

I only have 1 Leslie Sansone walking DVD and that I got as a freebie when I was still with Nutrisystem. But I knew that if this was truly the best solution for me then I was going to need options. Lots and lots of variety options!

I got the Walk At Home* series; they seemed to be the latest (because I can't stand out of date aerobic music) and the cheapest too (I'm a student again, cheaper is better!). I got:

-- 5 Mile Fat Burning Walk: Because 5 miles gives me the most options for if I want to do 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 miles plus who doesn't want to burn fat?!

-- 5 Day Slim Down: This is 5 separate 1-mile workouts. I'm a realist; chances are most mornings I'm only going to have time for 1 mile. So the more options, the better!

-- Walk Your Belly Flat: This one is only 3 miles but it includes ab work and you all know how much I obsess over not only wanting a flat belly but strong abs! (the only other DVD workout series I've invested in is Hip Hop Abs which I LOVE, but unfortunately no longer have the space since I moved into this apartment. Unless I tip my bed on it's side & push it against the wall. While yes, this would also be a good workout in itself, it's just a pain in the friggin' butt and I don't love hip hop abs THAT much as to massacre my bedroom on a daily basis)

So now I'm all set!

Oh, and I did one mile this morning. So can I just say... YAY!!! After weeks of setting my alarm only to hit snooze, this morning I FINALLY got up when the alarm went off AND worked out (I say "AND worked out" because the number of times I did get up without hitting snooze but instead of working out had an extra cup of coffee is ridiculous). GO ME! :D

But now that my new DVDs have arrived, I am anxious to get home & try them out!

Warning: I may be sore tomorrow so brace yourself for some potential whining about it. But I promise it will only be sprinkled in between how great I feel and how on track I am.

PS. I'm at work right now & every hour I am doing 20 modified push ups up against the wall behind me. I'm so proud of me right now. It's rare that I'm feeling so motivated - gotta run with it!

*I feel like I've heard a lot about her Walk Away the Pounds series. Is there a major difference? I'm guessing not, but if there is, anyone care to fill me in? I'm sure I will end up buying all her DVDs anyway, but any comments or advice on any of her DVDs or something similar would be really appreciated. Thanks muchly!

Baby, Dream Your Dream...

Baby, dream your dream, Close your eyes and try it...

Sorry, went off on a Sweet Charity tangent there (I love muscials, especially the classic ones & ones set in the 50's and 60's). ANYway, so today's post feels a little random but I'm happy about posting it all the same. Because I like the quirky little observations the best :)

So here's a question I'm throwing out into the cyber universe:

What size are you in your dreams?

And I'm not talking in your daydreams where we are all either a Kate Moss, Jillian Michaels, or Kim Kardashian. But when you go to sleep and you dream, and if you remember those dreams (lots of people don't!), what size are you in them?

I had a dream about my first boyfriend the other night (I blame a day of flashbacking and looking up old songs on youtube) and I woke up realizing that in that dream, I was slim. Now, this could be because when I was with him I was slim (I danced at the time so I knew my measurements: they were roughly 37-28-40... ::sigh:: I will get there again eventually!!) but that doesn't add up that I only dreamed that because of him being in the dream. Because when I think about my other dreams that I remember, I am always slim to average in them. Sometimes, I can even recall in the dream looking down and not seeing a belly and in the dream, find myself wondering where it went. Yep, I am doing a mental scan of the 'dreams I remember' file, and every image of me is coming up as slim, average, or belly-less.

So maybe this means I don't have true Fat Girl Mentality? Maybe once I am happy with my body those negative thoughts & comments will melt away along with the pounds because apparently my subconscious me already sees me at my goal size!

Who knows what it really means. But I find it curious all the same. Now I can't wait to go to bed and hopefully I will dream again! More slim to average dreaming please!

Does this mean I get a detention?

I have a very long day today, or at least longer than I'm used to: 9am-10pm. So when my alarm went off at 5:55am for my morning workout, I reset it and opted for an extra hour of sleep. Was that bad?

I am only supposed to run on alternate days with the c25k program and I know I was planning on a cardio session, so that's not a bad thing. But I really should have got in some resistance and strength work, which I am terrible at keeping up with. Hmm.

Meanwhile sleeping in on a work day felt very strange indeed. Skipping my workout felt like I was doing something 'naughty'... like ditching class or eating the last cookie. So I definitely feel more rested, but a little strange nonetheless. Almost like I should feel grateful for not getting caught. Or perhaps I didn't get away with it... we shall see.

So perhaps I need to find another solution. This is the first of many 13hour days ahead for me as I attempt something I've never done before: go to school full time AND work full time. And I plan on still eating right, getting enough exercise in, AND still trying to get enough sleep (that one might actually be the toughest come to think of it)

Looks like I have some scheduling and planning to do...

SIDENOTE: Woke up again last night in the middle of the night and found myself at the refrigerator. At first I thought it was not eating enough during the day but I am eating all the food on my plan, so perhaps it's a bad habit I need to break afterall...?

PS. Although if my food plan is 1700 calories and I'm burning about 400 in a workout doesn't that mean I'm only consuming around 1300 calories? Is that a good deficit or is 1700 already a deficit? Definitely a good question for my JC consultant on Thursday.

Gimme a 1...!!!!

Gimme a 0...!!!
Gimme a 5...!!!
Gimme a I.N.3.6.5...!!!

Sometimes I wonder where this enthusiastic cheerleader comes from. My new-found twitter friends have noticed it. My good friends on the NS boards back in the day would always comment on it too. But why don't I feel like I am that cheerleader that everyone else seems to see?

Truthfully, most of the time these days I feel as though I'm treading water. Except my head is only just above the water, I'm spluttering a little as sometimes I bob under a little, and my muscles are exhausted from treading water for so long only there's no boat, no land, no help in sight. Nothing to do but keep treading. (wow, I really like that analogy... I just came up with that as my fingers typed my 'as they come to me' thoughts.. wow. tres impressed with myself if I do say so myself!)

I am reminded of when my mother gives me "helpful" reminders. 'Just remember you don't want to return to your former size' or 'be careful at that birthday party. Probably best if you skip the cake and wine'. I know she loves me and she's trying to help, but she just isn't helping.

The thing is I think those sorts of thoughts all on my own. I really do not need her help with those. What I need from her is support. And not fake support either since that really isn't her style, or I guess mine either for that matter. But I need her to dwell on the positive because I sure as hell am dwelling on the negative enough for the both of us.

Simple changes like 'Just keep doing what you're doing. The scale will catch up' or 'Enjoy catching up with all those friends you haven't seen in a while at the birthday party' is all it needs. But this post isn't about my mother (although don't worry, I have had a serious conversation with her about this example mentioned; and I am sure there will be many solely-mum reports in the future)

The point is I do not like to write frequently about how scared I am that this won't work. Or what happens if I don't lose 105lbs in the next year. Or how painfully aware I am how VERY easily I could take one slip (albeit one MASSIVE slip, but nonetheless ,still a slip) and end up back where I started at roughly 336lbs and a size 25 jeans.

So I psych myself up. I cheer myself on. I try get all Jillian Michaels on my a$$. I think about how amazing it will be WHEN I succeed - anything from resisting snacks at the movie theatre to wogging 5k again.

Besides, does Negative Nelly really help anyone (Actually, I'm serious! I would love to hear from anyone who uses Negative Nelly to motivivate them and how/why that works). I am sure remaining positive cheers other people up, and perhaps if I motivate others, then they will motivate me. (Why I can't just motivate myself in the first place I have no idea)

Essentially, I just find it very curious that this is the vibe I give off when it was not my conscious intention at all. Don't get me wrong, Enthusiasm is a great compliment, and I'm so happy to be getting that comment time and time again. I just wonder where it comes from when the majority of the time I'm treading water (refer back to awesome analogy earlier!)

Or maybe this is just a huge case of FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT.

Because if experience is anything to go by, if I am patient and stick with it... if it talks like a cheerleader, sounds like a cheerleader, and acts like a cheerleader, then maybe eventually I'll actually believe I AM a cheerleader! Afterall, I am my own biggest fan.

And you should be your own biggest fan too!

SIDENOTE: And maybe one day, I'll be the size of a cheerleader too! OK, not of those freskishly teeny, still-hasn't-developed, throw 20ft in the air ones, but maybe one of the "base" ones would be nice.

Do I Need to Get All Jillian Michaels On My Ass?

Question:

I currently workout 30 minutes a day 6 times a week. That's 3 cardio sessions and 3 weights session on alternating days with one day off a week to rest.

But! I have been doing this for 2 weeks religiously now, and while my muscles are a little sore and are definitely getting a workout, I am not seeing a result on the sclae.

Now, I am the FIRST to say 'Good God girl! Only 2 weeks??? Patience petal, it will happen!!!... Sheesh" however, it got me thinking...

Firstly that usually embarking on a new routine is a shock to the system and therefore some sort of immediate signs of progress while not expected are always nice. But i'm thinking thanks to my typical 5lb weight gain before that time of the month PLUS that I'm quitting smoking is going to make my efforts through exercising take a little longer to show.

Secondly, I am wondering that even if I wasn't bloated up and feeling like a floatation device, and even if I wasn't a recovering nicotine junkie, is 30 minutes 6 times a week enough to see substantial weight loss?

Part of me says yes, because it's always worked in the past. But maybe that's the problem. Whenever I stick with a workout regime it's always been 30min 6x/wk. Do I need to be pushing myself harder?

Especially if my weight is not really going down, could upping the amount of exercise help kick me out of maintainence-meanderings and back into some losing-lovin'?? Or would it do more harm than good?

I remember reading somewhere that Jillian Michaels said if you are serious about losing you need a make a commitment to 60 minutes a day (obviously if you have to break that up, that's fine too) I think it was in her first book , Winning By Losing, that I read that but I'm not positive.

I'm not sure what the right answer is even if there is a 'right' answer. Maybe I just need to push myself harder in general? Maybe just increase the cardio to 45 or 60 minutes a session? Maybe wait till I debloat and see if there's a difference? Hmm... Questions, questions...

Any advice?