My New Best Friend

I can't believe I forgot to mention this sooner! I have a new best friend. I'm not sure what its name is yet, and I'm not even sure if it's a he or a she (leaning towards a she) but it's a new notebook/planner/dairy that I bought specifically for weight loss. (And yes, I fully intend on naming it eventually!)

I tried a few different iPod apps for recording everything. There are some amazing apps out there and they work great! But they can't replace the organic feel of writing by putting pen to paper. And as much as they are more convenient for me, I cannot connect to it & feel it in the way that I should.

I love writing down plans and thoughts and ideas in pretty colours with fun pens. Depending on my mood and what I'm writing reflects in my penmanship and for me that's important. Whether I like it or not, this is an emotional journey so it's not just about writing everything down; it's writing it all down and feeling it and understanding it too.

Forgive me if I'm repeating myself, but I used to keep a scrapbook. A big letter-sized sketchbook that I would write in, doodle in, clip pictures that caught my eye, or print articles that I read. I would vent into it ("Why oh why did I have those cocktails?!?!") and I would rejoice as well ("I lost 10lbs in a month! Goal weight here I come!!") Obviously being as big as it was it was only something I did at night or when I was home, and somewhere in the midst of moving, graduating (from my last degree), it was a habit that fell by the wayside.

I've been hesitant to start a mini-version of this for two main reasons: 1.) because I don't want the hassle of constantly carrying something around with me (hence why the iPod Touch apps are so incredibly efficient) and 2.) I don't want to create extra work for myself. I'm scared it will turn into work, not fun.

Thankfully, both of these are solvable! It's not a hassle to carry it around because as a student (again), I am constantly carrying around books. One extra book that's only 5"x7" isn't a problem (in fact, should I switch to a purse for the day it still wouldn't be an issue. I used to be a minimalist but these days my purse is much more 'everything but the kitchen sink'). Secondly, to keep it fun I need a fun notebook (I have a thing for nice stationary. Nice notebooks, pens, post its, etc. It's my thing! It makes me happy) If I like the book, I'll want to write in it and read it. So my mission last Friday was to find the perfect notebook.

As a stationary fanatic, I know that finding the perfect notebook is a tricky business. I'm extremely picky about the cover, binding, the layout, everything! I braced myself knowing I might not find what I'm looking for straight away. But I guess it was meant to be. I found it! The perfect size, spiral bound, lots of room to write as well as keeping everything in order. It's actually a planner (I was prepared to just buy a regular blank notebook) and the layout of the pages works so well for my purposes, and the cover is fun and colorful and makes me want to write in it with my pretty pink pen! You probably all think I'm a bit nuts right now but I don't care! :D

So far, I have written in it every day since I got it, sometimes more than others but nonetheless I'm determined to make it a daily habit. They say it takes 21 days to create a habit so 1 week down, 2 to go!

Besides daily events and ponderings it's already filled with a new list a mini-goal rewards, quotes, important thoughts that I should be thinking, and inspiring pictures I've stuck in. I'm sure I'll be sharing more of it with you!

So between my new best friend and my blog, I think my creative & emotional side has a great outlet to help me work through things and succeed on this journey. And I can't forget my lovely readers who post comments that always brighten my day and make me feel so humble that you took the time to stop by!

Sidenote: I am in cramp hell and yet writing and getting excited about my new bestie is making me feel better! I am not stepping on the scale this week though; I don't want to know the number. Besides, bloated weights don't count! I don't need to feel depressed about it when it's all going to go back to normal in 4-5 days time.

PS. In case you're wondering what notebook I got, it's a Quo Vadis TextAgenda Diary (the student version because it runs Sep'09-Aug'10. Perfect because a) I can't wait till Jan 2010 to start if I got a regular planner and b) *technically* I should be at goal or near it by Aug 2010!). I got the day to a page which is perfect. There's a section at the top for 'priorities' and I like using that for my 'goal of the day'. then a matching section at the bottom for notes which I like to use for whether or not I achieved my goal for the day. All the space in between is perfect for random notes, questions, off-plan foods, thoughts that pop up throughout the day.

Who Do You Worship?

What better day to talk about 'our bodies being our temples' than on a Sunday! So please turn the page* with the passage about how we are taking control of our bodies and fighting the fat!

I had an amazing day yesterday. If I haven't already mentioned I am studying massage therapy and should have my license by January 2011. Studying massage therapy and ultimately becoming a massage therapist for me means not only a more lucrative second career (although it may end up being my first and maybe one day even my only career... we shall see) but for completely selfish reasons I wanted to bring health, body, and wellness into my daily life. And let me tell you, it's working!

Not only do I have class 4 days a week (one of those days is a full day of hands on classes, both giving and receiving massage. And yes we have to get naked to receive massage - yikes! - but more on that later) but I am studying and/or reviewing everyday. There's a lot of science study/homework of course as well as the practical stuff like techniques and body mechanics, but essentially what ALL of this stuff points to is LOOK AFTER YOUR BODY.

We only get one. So why do I insist on abusing and torturing mine? (I say 'do' not 'did' because although I would love to refer to it in the past tense, I'm not quite perfect yet when it comes to healthy habits! Well, not yet!) Sigh! But that ugly, depressing thought aside, it doesn't actually make me dwell on the 'Why?', it makes me dwell on the 'Why don't I change it right now?' Awesomeness, right? I'll say! Crack that whip and let's get to it!

First of all, all my science classes make me want to be anatomically correct (I don't see any diagrams or dummies with bellies or jiggly thighs!) and all my practical classes.... well, it's twofold! One: it would be nice not to feel self-conscious when people are palpating or massaging you (Oh you can't feel it? yeah, you just need to push harder through that area of fat to feel it). And two: it would be nice to already have a lot of the strength and endurance that is required to massage!

Now I'm not talking strong arms or hands like most people think, especially in regards to Swedish massage. I'm talking core strength and lunges. Yep, lunges! And don't even get me started on the core strength needed in Shiatsu class so far...

But I am loving every minute of it. It is inspiring me to work harder, stay more focused, keep making healthy choices every single day, and keeping me so thrilled that I have chosen a second profession that will keep me fit. Not only fit but does so whilst reminding me how important it is to be relaxed and centred, and above all in balance. Amen to that!

PS. My practice partner is a totally cute STRAIGHT boy who when he asked me to be his practice partner I happily said yes seeing as he's quickly becoming my new bestie. It wasn't till later that the logistics set in... ah crap. This isn't sitting around the living room, buried in anatomy textbooks and comparing notes with my Cute Straight Boy (CSB). This is getting naked and rubbing oil all over each other! Eeek! I don't care that I'm seeing someone or that CSB has a girlfriend - it's still 'eeek!' But it turns out he was just as nervous as I was, and once we got going, it was so much fun! Both receiving the massage (he's really good!) and giving massage (he dozed off a little and the first thing he said to me afterwards was 'more... I want more!' so both of those things are a really good sign that I think I might just be good at what I do). But even though I had an amazing time both in and out of class yesterday, that doesn't mean I wasn't self-conscious. Having CSB massage me at least once a week is definitely another reason and incentive to drop the weight, and fast!

*I'm not sure what the page number is... try searching in the Book of Revelations ;)

Does this mean I get a detention?

I have a very long day today, or at least longer than I'm used to: 9am-10pm. So when my alarm went off at 5:55am for my morning workout, I reset it and opted for an extra hour of sleep. Was that bad?

I am only supposed to run on alternate days with the c25k program and I know I was planning on a cardio session, so that's not a bad thing. But I really should have got in some resistance and strength work, which I am terrible at keeping up with. Hmm.

Meanwhile sleeping in on a work day felt very strange indeed. Skipping my workout felt like I was doing something 'naughty'... like ditching class or eating the last cookie. So I definitely feel more rested, but a little strange nonetheless. Almost like I should feel grateful for not getting caught. Or perhaps I didn't get away with it... we shall see.

So perhaps I need to find another solution. This is the first of many 13hour days ahead for me as I attempt something I've never done before: go to school full time AND work full time. And I plan on still eating right, getting enough exercise in, AND still trying to get enough sleep (that one might actually be the toughest come to think of it)

Looks like I have some scheduling and planning to do...

SIDENOTE: Woke up again last night in the middle of the night and found myself at the refrigerator. At first I thought it was not eating enough during the day but I am eating all the food on my plan, so perhaps it's a bad habit I need to break afterall...?

PS. Although if my food plan is 1700 calories and I'm burning about 400 in a workout doesn't that mean I'm only consuming around 1300 calories? Is that a good deficit or is 1700 already a deficit? Definitely a good question for my JC consultant on Thursday.

It's just like I imagined, only better!

I almost didn't post today. My new work schedule has meant that Wednesday is typically my lazy day. My 'do whatever I want' day.

Now this doesn't mean a hiatus from my diet or exercise plans, but it does mean a little vacation from responsibility for a day. No bill paying, no money-worrying, no meetings, no phone calls to make, no errands to run. Nothing but whatever I FEEL like doing. However, blogging felt like the one "responsibility" that it feels wrong to take a break from. So here I am.

I have been throwing around ideas about Hawaii for Thanksgiving. It's the next time I'll be able to get away if I so choose, and to be honest, it probably won't happen. But I think I'll keep that little fact a secret from myself. Why? Because the moment I started to really picture it, I suddenly found myself a) wishing I could be swimsuit ready by then, and b) calculating exactly how much time there is between now and then and thinking of realistic yet challenging goals to fit the time frame.

The point is I haven't felt that kind of motivation in a while. I am not sure when I stopped setting mini-goals like that for myself, but it's definitely time to start again!

Sure, there are the post-event motivators ("that was fun but next time, I'm going to be THIS size!"), and there are rewards ("only 4 more workouts till my mani/pedi!") but there is nothing quite like focusing on a future event.

Deciding on a future event, picturing it, imagining it, how much fun it will be, how exciting it is. Then picture it 20lbs lighter. Or in a smaller dress size. WOW! Makes a huge difference doesn't it? Suddenly everything gets brighter, happier, and more hopeful. Suddenly skipping the cheese in your salad or getting in an extra walk is so effortless because that future goal is so real and so beautiful, you'll do what you have to to make it a reality.

So here I am. A little under 3 months from Thanksgiving, and I want to see what I can do! Because my weight is being such a little b**ch right now, I'm going to focus on size.

At LEAST one size smaller by November 26 2009.

I would love to say 2 sizes, but seeing as my weight and size don't move much these days I want to keep it realistic. So one size smaller is my red velvet cake. Two sizes smaller is the creamy rich icing on top. (three sizes is the sprinkles, the whipped cream, some vanilla ice cream, chocolate fudge drizzled on top along with some fresh cut strawberries; and taking a photo of the whole damned cake instead of eating it in fear of undoing all the hard work of losing three dress sizes in the first place!)

Maybe the reason I stopped picking future events to focus on is that my social life isn't as happening these days (by choice), so there aren't as many events to plan on and look forward to, but the why/what/how's of that are for another post.

PS. I just downloaded the Lose Weight with Andrew Johnson app onto my iPod Touch. Now, I know this guy is good to relax to because I've used his free Relaxation app and every single time I fall asleep within 10 minutes! And as someone who usually lies awake for 30-60minutes, that's really saying something! (Plus you gotta love that sexy Scottish accent of his... Mmmm...) I hate paying for apps but I figured if he doesn't help me lose weight, he'll definitely help me get to sleep! Only done it once so far, but gotta say I haven't had any cravings today and of all things, I had the incredible urge to cook. ME! Cook! HA!!! (The only thing I make successfully in the kitchen is a mess. And several small fires) So I don't know whether to attribute that to the Sexy Scottish Hypnosis Relaxation sounds I drifted to sleep to, or if the stars were aligned, or if it was just some random occurrence. Time will tell. I've always been a little curious about hypnosis and the subconscious when it comes to dealing with addictions, fears, and the like. I'll definitely keep you posted!