FFFF#5: When I was a Wee Lass...

... I was a competitive Scottish Highland Dancer. No, really! I was!

From 13 glorious years from ages 5-18 my life consisted of 2-3 dance classes a week, practicing in my living room after school, and travelling to many competitions both regionally, nationally, and on one occasion, internationally*.

I only bring this up because what I wouldn't give to do one last competition. To be that fit again. To be that toned and lean again. To have a 'natural' 4 pack again (natural as in I didn't work at it specifically. It just appeared through dancing so often! How cool is that?) To be able to fit back into my costumes (I still have them!) and say I'm back to my old self again.

I know you can't go back in time, and I also know it isn't good to dwell on what used to be. I completely understand that while I might end up back at that same size, this time round may end up being a case of 'same, same, but different.'

But that's OK. Just give me one more chance. One little comeback. Even if the only person in the world that knows and can take supreme pride and joy in the event of a comeback is me.

A huge Factor to be Fat-Free: to fit into my costumes again and dance!

*The World Championships in Cowal, Scotland in 1999 plus other various championships around Scotland for 5 weeks. Got to celebrate my 17th birthday over there too!

PS. As someone who doesn't have DVR or TiVo or a VCR, I am one week behind on my Biggest Loser episodes (but I'm grateful to see them at all! Thanks Hulu!) but I just realized after posting this, that this could totally fit into the 'Second Chances' category. The Biggest Loser always hit home, but maybe this season it might even hit home a little closer than usual.

STOOPID!!!

I ruined my own run this morning! I could kill myself! I felt so angry and disappointed at the same time. In fact, I still am feeling disappointed. Let me start at the beginning and take you on the whole journey...

Got up at 6am. I was at the park by 630am. I was feeling great. Early mornings do that to me. Partly cause there's something so exhilarating yet peaceful about early mornings and partly cause I'm still impressed when not only do I get up early, but I get up and run. Call it 'Fat Girl Mentality' but sometimes I still can't quite believe that I do that.

After a 5 minute warm up walk I'm off for my first interval run. Dodge the dog walker with 5 dogs. Overtake a runner - woohoo (OK, so he was about 80 years old but I still overtook him!) Oh dammit, should have worn my other sports bra (yes, I play favorites, especially with my workout clothes). Then I start having this weird feeling. It kinds hurts. I'm not sure what it is. I put it down to my body just waking up and keep going.

As I'm walking off my first interval I can't help feeling that this doesn't feel right. The paranoid fat girl in me is worried I'm having a heart attack. But that's not quite it. It feels lower. It's time to start interval #2 and decide to push on. I'm sure it will go away...

Well I barely made it through the second interval. Something was wrong and it was ruining my run. The first emotion was surprisingly anger. I was annoyed i couldn't run. I had no idea what was wrong. It was almost like I felt like throwing up. Oh bugger is that it?? Crap, am I... pregnant? Oh shit shit shit! But how?? We were careful... We always are... Do I need to swing by the drugstore on the way home?? But I didn't bring any money... Argh! What to do... What to do...

Then I realized. Wait, didn't I have cup of coffee before my run? Usually I have nothing but a few sips of water. But today for some reason I chugged 3 cups of water and had a coffee. What was I thinking?? I think that's just it: I WASN'T thinking. So does that mean...? Could it be? Is this just... Indigestion??

Thank Jebus, Mary Kate, and Ashley Olsen I am not pregnant. But that doesn't bring my run back!

I walked the rest of the way and was feeling much better by the end. So I got in a 30 minute walk instead. Not a complete loss. But definitely a lesson learned!

PS. I know I will look back at this and laugh. "is it a Heart attack?? Is it Pregnancy?? Nope, just indigestion". Sigh! But right now all I want is a do-over!

Sidenote: sometimes celibacy seems like a really good alternative to having a minor freak out every other month!

5k The Sequel

Before I continue babbling on whilst still under the influence of my post-workout high, I should tell you that I love interval training on the treadmill. It is by far my favourite form of cardio. Part of the reason I love it so much is that no matter what size I was in the past - fat, thin, fit, pudgy - I have always hated running. Loathed it in fact. Wouldn't even run to catch the bus, just on principle (Yeah, I'm stubborn like that).

Fast forward to the present: suddenly, I want to run. I WANT to be a runner. Why? Because I've never wanted that before. Because I thought it was impossible. Because I had convinced myself that running is great for some but I wasn't one of them. Because accomplishing it will prove to myself that the sky is the limit. Because becoming a runner will in some small way in my quirky little world mean that I made the impossible possible.

So as someone who enjoys walking away the pounds, I figured my best bet was wogging or interval training. I got really into it too. But usually, like most things, it's a case of 'use it or lose it'. But after this morning's surprisingly successful workout, I think it's time to consider doing another 5k.

I have done 5k once before. It was on April 29 of this year, and the only reason I did it was because I was determined to have a time listed under 5k on my nike+. Having a blank 10k I can handle (for now), but a blank 5k just wasn't cutting it.

In those days I would usually bargain with myself. I would be allowed to stop once I hit 2 miles, or 40 minutes, or whatever the goal was I felt like setting that day. But that day was different. Even though I was exhausted, even though I wanted to stop, I would not let myself. I was on a mission. I didn't care if I had to walk the whole thing, or if it took 3 hours, I was going to get it done.

Turns out I managed to complete it in under an hour. And I remember feeling like I had really accomplished something. But I also know I felt like I could have pushed a little harder. Now that I knew I could do it, I needed to know if I could improve on it.

I think that time to improve has finally come! I want to see if I can beat my last time. And if I don't, well at least I can say I did another 5k!


A run from my past...