Cruise Control

Just checking in.... I believe I'm up to Day 29 of my mini-goal now...

Everything is cruising right now. It's not great, but it's far from bad either. But for the first time in a long time, I feel as though there's nothing to push. Everything in life right now, particularly weight loss, is going to take time and it will happen when it happens. Sure, I can push, I can fight harder, but ultimately it's not going to gain that much more ground considering how much extra effort and stress and pressure goes into it.

So here I am, feeling like I'm in cruise control. Cruising because I can't floor it, but there's no need to break. Everything is smooth sailing... quite uneventful. But at the same time I am feeling totally in control. Which, yes, THAT!... that is not just good, it's great!

Hm. Maybe that's where the calm comes from. The control. Maybe the driven pushing & fighting for it is sometimes propelled by fear of slipping and losing control rather than from a place of sheer want and determination.

So yep. Cruise control. No midnight snacking. Diet is in order. Steps are at 7000-11000 daily. Guzzling water. I'm broken right now so if anything I'm not particularly hungry and I'm feeling a little bloated. But other than that.... Everything is... well, fine :)

Day 3

Sweet Success... Despite being busy and bloated and with cramps, I didn't cancel my JC appointment. It really is important to go every week, even when you don't want to! So I kept it. After all, one of the major reasons to go to a weight loss centre is the accountability! (I weighed in backwards though (ie. stepped on the scale backwards so I couldn't see the number) so that my consultant could still track it but without getting the emotional stress of getting upset about a number that doesn't reflect my efforts)


Slowly Striving... I didn't eat much today. Cramps always make me feel ill.


Thoughts... I was telling my consultant about how I am comfortable and yet unhappy and as I'm talking and we're discussing things I had a mini-breakthrough. Almost on a daily basis I allow myself exchanges. They are calorie equivalent but they are not always food group ratio equivalent. BINGO! A classic 'getting too comfortable' scenario! How did I not see that I was doing that??! It's so obvious!! I'm still in a little bit of shock from the weight of this discovery. I'm sure I'm not articulating very well at all. It's a combination of a) that I didn't even realize I was doing it, b)that some people can swap calories for calories but I am not one of those people; I have to watch the food groups as well, c)I knew that I had become comfortable but couldn't quite understand it &/or see it until now. It's upsetting and frustrating that I would cheat myself like this, and d) trying to comprehend how cutting out this behaviour will vastly affect my results no doubt! Well, I won't have to wait very long... just 7 days. A whole week of 100% for the next 7 days. Let's see what happens...

My New Best Friend

I can't believe I forgot to mention this sooner! I have a new best friend. I'm not sure what its name is yet, and I'm not even sure if it's a he or a she (leaning towards a she) but it's a new notebook/planner/dairy that I bought specifically for weight loss. (And yes, I fully intend on naming it eventually!)

I tried a few different iPod apps for recording everything. There are some amazing apps out there and they work great! But they can't replace the organic feel of writing by putting pen to paper. And as much as they are more convenient for me, I cannot connect to it & feel it in the way that I should.

I love writing down plans and thoughts and ideas in pretty colours with fun pens. Depending on my mood and what I'm writing reflects in my penmanship and for me that's important. Whether I like it or not, this is an emotional journey so it's not just about writing everything down; it's writing it all down and feeling it and understanding it too.

Forgive me if I'm repeating myself, but I used to keep a scrapbook. A big letter-sized sketchbook that I would write in, doodle in, clip pictures that caught my eye, or print articles that I read. I would vent into it ("Why oh why did I have those cocktails?!?!") and I would rejoice as well ("I lost 10lbs in a month! Goal weight here I come!!") Obviously being as big as it was it was only something I did at night or when I was home, and somewhere in the midst of moving, graduating (from my last degree), it was a habit that fell by the wayside.

I've been hesitant to start a mini-version of this for two main reasons: 1.) because I don't want the hassle of constantly carrying something around with me (hence why the iPod Touch apps are so incredibly efficient) and 2.) I don't want to create extra work for myself. I'm scared it will turn into work, not fun.

Thankfully, both of these are solvable! It's not a hassle to carry it around because as a student (again), I am constantly carrying around books. One extra book that's only 5"x7" isn't a problem (in fact, should I switch to a purse for the day it still wouldn't be an issue. I used to be a minimalist but these days my purse is much more 'everything but the kitchen sink'). Secondly, to keep it fun I need a fun notebook (I have a thing for nice stationary. Nice notebooks, pens, post its, etc. It's my thing! It makes me happy) If I like the book, I'll want to write in it and read it. So my mission last Friday was to find the perfect notebook.

As a stationary fanatic, I know that finding the perfect notebook is a tricky business. I'm extremely picky about the cover, binding, the layout, everything! I braced myself knowing I might not find what I'm looking for straight away. But I guess it was meant to be. I found it! The perfect size, spiral bound, lots of room to write as well as keeping everything in order. It's actually a planner (I was prepared to just buy a regular blank notebook) and the layout of the pages works so well for my purposes, and the cover is fun and colorful and makes me want to write in it with my pretty pink pen! You probably all think I'm a bit nuts right now but I don't care! :D

So far, I have written in it every day since I got it, sometimes more than others but nonetheless I'm determined to make it a daily habit. They say it takes 21 days to create a habit so 1 week down, 2 to go!

Besides daily events and ponderings it's already filled with a new list a mini-goal rewards, quotes, important thoughts that I should be thinking, and inspiring pictures I've stuck in. I'm sure I'll be sharing more of it with you!

So between my new best friend and my blog, I think my creative & emotional side has a great outlet to help me work through things and succeed on this journey. And I can't forget my lovely readers who post comments that always brighten my day and make me feel so humble that you took the time to stop by!

Sidenote: I am in cramp hell and yet writing and getting excited about my new bestie is making me feel better! I am not stepping on the scale this week though; I don't want to know the number. Besides, bloated weights don't count! I don't need to feel depressed about it when it's all going to go back to normal in 4-5 days time.

PS. In case you're wondering what notebook I got, it's a Quo Vadis TextAgenda Diary (the student version because it runs Sep'09-Aug'10. Perfect because a) I can't wait till Jan 2010 to start if I got a regular planner and b) *technically* I should be at goal or near it by Aug 2010!). I got the day to a page which is perfect. There's a section at the top for 'priorities' and I like using that for my 'goal of the day'. then a matching section at the bottom for notes which I like to use for whether or not I achieved my goal for the day. All the space in between is perfect for random notes, questions, off-plan foods, thoughts that pop up throughout the day.

Oh Yeah? Make Me!

I didn't go for my run this morning, I got an extra hour of sleep instead.

And for once, I'm not beating myself up about it (well, not completely anyway). Evidently I needed the extra hour of sleep.

I'm tired, cranky, crabby, bloated, and defensive for no reason. I'm just thankful this isn't a 'lighting quick temper' month or a 'burst into tears over my pen falling off the desk' month.

Part of me is disappointed because I was going to move on to week 2 of c25k this morning. But Running-Me can suck it... er, um, I mean... 'But alas, it will have to wait until next workout'.

...It's just one of those days.

Being Broken

There's good news and there's bad news. I'm of the school of belief that you 'rip off the band-aid' straight away with the bad news, then soothe the pain with the good news.

So the bad news? I'm broken. Which is my guy's way of saying it's that girly time of the month (haha... Some find it offensive, I find it hilarious and very cute) So even though I woke up early (545am - look at me go! Take that old version of me who used to sleep till noon!) it was more because of cramps & the need to roll around in pain rather than my alarm going off and telling me it's time to hit the gym. Sigh. So no gym and a world of pain. This blows.

The good news? I'm broken. Haha, as any other weight loss chicka will agree, it's a double-edged sword. This means I finally finally de-bloat and as if magically drop pounds almost instantaneously. And there is a fingers crossed moment where I hope the de-bloating will not only reveal my actual weight, but a lovely weight loss that has been hiding for the past 7-10 days.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Habits to Create: I actually missed having my AM workout today! What a pleasant surprise!

Habits to Hate: That I might have used being broken as an little bit of an excuse not to workout. C'mon... I could have at least gone for a walk. Probably would have even helped with the cramps!


That's it for now. Someone please pass the Advil...