Must've been the bikini pics...

How could I forget??! I got a new personal best for the mile this morning: 13.58

woot! woot!

Labor & Labor Pains

Happy Labor Day everyone!

I'm feeling much, much better now that the ibuprofen has kicked in. And I have to say, I am off to a stellar start for the day! Got the laboring part in (Day 2 of week 2 of c25k can kiss my big jiggly butt!), & unfortunately you can put a big check next to the labor pains too (good god someone please just remove my uterus! It would be so much less painful than enduring these cataclysmic cramps!)

I am not sure how I got myself out the door this morning, nor in the shower and somewhat dressed for work; I should be in bed crouched over a hot water bottle in the fetal position & moaning like a dying cow while watching daytime television (I say 'somewhat dressed' because I am wearing sweats in public. Hey, it's a holiday and I'm at work and in muted pain, I'm allowed to look like a hot mess*). Actually, the only time I wasn't in pain today was during my run (well, I was I guess. But it's a different kind of pain)

I think I can thank my stellar start to the day to the bikini I purchased yesterday. Yep, a string bikini too. Yikes! I decided I should get one while they're on sale and so I can watch myself shrink into it over the comeing months. Not to mention those before pictures are going to be PRICELESS in motivating me!

I definitely wasn't wrong. I got home, put on the bikini (I felt like a hippo dressed in dental floss) was a little disappointed that the bottoms felt like they sort of fit already (I'm supposed to shrink into it, so I wanted it a little small). I took 4 photos: the front, the back, and each side view. I felt my breath catch in my throat as I reviewed them. Um, no! The bottom's most certainly do NOT fit!! There isn't just muffin top in this photo, it's the whole muffin and then some! And in the photo of my back, where did the string go? Oh I see - or rather I don't see - because it disappeared into that roll of fat! And are those dimples on my BELLY?? Oh good God, someone just shoot me now...

Well, after taking the "What's Your Motivation?" quiz over at Self Magazine, it turns out they were right & vanity IS my #1 motivator. I think I knew that and I've been avoiding it. After all, narcissism is not one of my favourite personality traits. But as the saying goes 'If you can't beat 'em, join 'em' You have to work with what you have and turn it around to your advantage.

So vanity motivates me, huh? Well instead of wistfully picturing Future Me in a bikini, how about the stone cold reality of me NOW in a bikini? ACK! Just the sight of it makes me want to do a month's worth of interval running in the next 24 hours! Or just run.... run away as fast as I can from looking and daring to even imagine living another day looking like that. Either way, it's got me moving so I guess it's working!!

I may or may not post the dreaded bikini pics here. I haven't quite decided. Taking the photos for my own eyes only was a big enough slice of humble pie; posting them here would be like gorging on the whole pie and asking for seconds. I'm not sure I'm ready for that level of humilation.

Then again, in the spirit of turning thing around to my advantage, I guess I should see it not as shameful and embarassing but rather as a way of showing my commitment. My commitment to NOT look like this, and to never look like this ever again!



*Wearing sweats and/or looking like a hot mess in public is just asking to run into someone you know, or someone cute, or a combination of both. Wish me luck that today I am the exception to this rule!

PS. I am working on some progress pics though. Stay tuned...

Is "Struggling" an Ugly Word?

Even though I have only been blogging for about a month now, I have been on this journey since July 2007. When I remind myself that I have been losing or trying to lose for over 2 years, I am a little more forgiving of myself when I see my inspiration and motivation wavering.

But I don't like to admit that I have trouble staying focused. Because in a sense, I don't. Am I happy where I am physically? No. Do I still want the same goals as I did in the beginning? Even more than ever. It's the daily grind, the small stuff that seems to be giving me in the most trouble. But I hate saying I'm struggling; perhaps because it's a form of saying "I need help".

So lately, I have been in search of things to keep me motivated. To stay inspired. Because every little choice is a step closer to my goal. At the moment, I am probably succeeding on about 50% of those tiny daily choices. I need to get that back up to 80% and up.

This blog is one of those things. And it is definitely helping keep my mind on track. And you, lovely readers, were my surprise bonus; you and your blogs inspire me more than I ever could inspire myself on my own.

Typically, I am a very visual person. I think there's a reason I used to scrapbook and journal. Writing entries one day, cutting out images that move and inspire me the next. In one of my random google searches I came across these female athletes:

T-Nation: Figure Athletes

Now, I'll be the first to admit that some of these women have a few too many muscles and veins showing than I would like! But some of them don't. Some are just lean and firm with slight muscle definition. I find images like this so inspiring. To know it really IS possible to look like that.

I know I won't ever look exactly like that. I will look like MY version of that. And you know what? That version will be even better than any of those pics combined!

So I am very excited about aiming for Hawaii for Thanksgiving! I am hoping for a brand new swim suit for then. It may not be a bikini but if it doesn't include a swim skirt or the words "Miraclesuit"* then I'll be one happy camper!

(Failing Hawaii, then I'm going somewhere warm and tropical for Christmas, so either way, I've GOT to get my jiggly big butt in gear!!)

*Not that I don't love MiracleSuits! I would just prefer to be wearing them in a size 8 or 10, not a size 16 or 18!