Who Do You Worship?

What better day to talk about 'our bodies being our temples' than on a Sunday! So please turn the page* with the passage about how we are taking control of our bodies and fighting the fat!

I had an amazing day yesterday. If I haven't already mentioned I am studying massage therapy and should have my license by January 2011. Studying massage therapy and ultimately becoming a massage therapist for me means not only a more lucrative second career (although it may end up being my first and maybe one day even my only career... we shall see) but for completely selfish reasons I wanted to bring health, body, and wellness into my daily life. And let me tell you, it's working!

Not only do I have class 4 days a week (one of those days is a full day of hands on classes, both giving and receiving massage. And yes we have to get naked to receive massage - yikes! - but more on that later) but I am studying and/or reviewing everyday. There's a lot of science study/homework of course as well as the practical stuff like techniques and body mechanics, but essentially what ALL of this stuff points to is LOOK AFTER YOUR BODY.

We only get one. So why do I insist on abusing and torturing mine? (I say 'do' not 'did' because although I would love to refer to it in the past tense, I'm not quite perfect yet when it comes to healthy habits! Well, not yet!) Sigh! But that ugly, depressing thought aside, it doesn't actually make me dwell on the 'Why?', it makes me dwell on the 'Why don't I change it right now?' Awesomeness, right? I'll say! Crack that whip and let's get to it!

First of all, all my science classes make me want to be anatomically correct (I don't see any diagrams or dummies with bellies or jiggly thighs!) and all my practical classes.... well, it's twofold! One: it would be nice not to feel self-conscious when people are palpating or massaging you (Oh you can't feel it? yeah, you just need to push harder through that area of fat to feel it). And two: it would be nice to already have a lot of the strength and endurance that is required to massage!

Now I'm not talking strong arms or hands like most people think, especially in regards to Swedish massage. I'm talking core strength and lunges. Yep, lunges! And don't even get me started on the core strength needed in Shiatsu class so far...

But I am loving every minute of it. It is inspiring me to work harder, stay more focused, keep making healthy choices every single day, and keeping me so thrilled that I have chosen a second profession that will keep me fit. Not only fit but does so whilst reminding me how important it is to be relaxed and centred, and above all in balance. Amen to that!

PS. My practice partner is a totally cute STRAIGHT boy who when he asked me to be his practice partner I happily said yes seeing as he's quickly becoming my new bestie. It wasn't till later that the logistics set in... ah crap. This isn't sitting around the living room, buried in anatomy textbooks and comparing notes with my Cute Straight Boy (CSB). This is getting naked and rubbing oil all over each other! Eeek! I don't care that I'm seeing someone or that CSB has a girlfriend - it's still 'eeek!' But it turns out he was just as nervous as I was, and once we got going, it was so much fun! Both receiving the massage (he's really good!) and giving massage (he dozed off a little and the first thing he said to me afterwards was 'more... I want more!' so both of those things are a really good sign that I think I might just be good at what I do). But even though I had an amazing time both in and out of class yesterday, that doesn't mean I wasn't self-conscious. Having CSB massage me at least once a week is definitely another reason and incentive to drop the weight, and fast!

*I'm not sure what the page number is... try searching in the Book of Revelations ;)

STOOPID!!!

I ruined my own run this morning! I could kill myself! I felt so angry and disappointed at the same time. In fact, I still am feeling disappointed. Let me start at the beginning and take you on the whole journey...

Got up at 6am. I was at the park by 630am. I was feeling great. Early mornings do that to me. Partly cause there's something so exhilarating yet peaceful about early mornings and partly cause I'm still impressed when not only do I get up early, but I get up and run. Call it 'Fat Girl Mentality' but sometimes I still can't quite believe that I do that.

After a 5 minute warm up walk I'm off for my first interval run. Dodge the dog walker with 5 dogs. Overtake a runner - woohoo (OK, so he was about 80 years old but I still overtook him!) Oh dammit, should have worn my other sports bra (yes, I play favorites, especially with my workout clothes). Then I start having this weird feeling. It kinds hurts. I'm not sure what it is. I put it down to my body just waking up and keep going.

As I'm walking off my first interval I can't help feeling that this doesn't feel right. The paranoid fat girl in me is worried I'm having a heart attack. But that's not quite it. It feels lower. It's time to start interval #2 and decide to push on. I'm sure it will go away...

Well I barely made it through the second interval. Something was wrong and it was ruining my run. The first emotion was surprisingly anger. I was annoyed i couldn't run. I had no idea what was wrong. It was almost like I felt like throwing up. Oh bugger is that it?? Crap, am I... pregnant? Oh shit shit shit! But how?? We were careful... We always are... Do I need to swing by the drugstore on the way home?? But I didn't bring any money... Argh! What to do... What to do...

Then I realized. Wait, didn't I have cup of coffee before my run? Usually I have nothing but a few sips of water. But today for some reason I chugged 3 cups of water and had a coffee. What was I thinking?? I think that's just it: I WASN'T thinking. So does that mean...? Could it be? Is this just... Indigestion??

Thank Jebus, Mary Kate, and Ashley Olsen I am not pregnant. But that doesn't bring my run back!

I walked the rest of the way and was feeling much better by the end. So I got in a 30 minute walk instead. Not a complete loss. But definitely a lesson learned!

PS. I know I will look back at this and laugh. "is it a Heart attack?? Is it Pregnancy?? Nope, just indigestion". Sigh! But right now all I want is a do-over!

Sidenote: sometimes celibacy seems like a really good alternative to having a minor freak out every other month!

The tweet that made my day

I just received the nicest tweet. Of course all my new found twitter friends are fabulous, but this tweet was extra special.

It was from a girl with roughly the same weight stats as me saying I am already motivating her. Wow! This makes me feel amazing!

I set out with this blog and twitter account to act like jumper cables to a car battery that has run out of juice. I was the car battery. I needed a jolt. I needed something to motivate myself and to keep me
accountable.

Although i know ive collected a lot of knowledge on this weight loss journey (and from throughout the years), i am still learning. By no means am i yet surpassing the teacher and am eons away from becoming a master (but i will one day. Just watch!) So I feel honored and humbled that already someone can look at me and say 'that motivates me'.

Plus it made me realize another great reason to "keep on bloggin' to keep on losin'". That just as much as I like finding information and/or people so I can see that I'm not alone on this crazy life-altering journey, I just might be one of those people to someone else.

Talk about warm fuzzies. It's like paying it forward only I'm not done yet! Isn't it cool how with this kind of stuff you don't have to wait to pay it forward?

PS. Just watch this space! Cause eventually I'll be the girl who can proudly say I lost a total of 181lbs and will be fully armed with knowledge, love, and the confidence to pay it forward!

Every Day is a Fresh Start!

Quitting smoking + PMS = BINGE HELL!!!!

I have had a lazy day or so. Quitting smoking has sucked the energy right out of me. All I have felt capable of doing is sleeping and eating and staring at the wall. I managed to pull it together a little more yesterday as I finally got to see my guy again (with both of us so crazy busy and opposite schedules in 'distant' locations (ie. different boroughs haha) it's like being in a long distance relationship in a way. Neither of us seem to mind though, in fact it actually works really well, but that's for another post) which put me in a much better mood in general. But the best part is it also kicked my butt back into gear! Can't get slack now! Gotta keep at it!

So! New day = New Start! Woke up a little later than I would have liked but still got 20 minutes of running in. Instead of the gym, I went to the park today which is actually nice at 7am on a Saturday. No screaming kids or dogs galore, just a whole bunch of runners and walkers and the occasional fattie also trying to shed some weight(*raises hand* ooh! ooh! right here! that'd be me!) I love that little knowing nod or smile you give each other; you both know why you're out there.



Haven't had breakfast yet but going to fix that right now... yogurt and fresh fruit... YUM!

Yep, today is off to a good start. Don't you just love how every day really can be a fresh new beginning!?! (OK, coffee + boy time + exercise = waaay too chipper! I'm even getting annoyed by me! haha)

NOTE TO SELF: I'm still learning to stay on track, but the good news is I'm dusting myself off and getting back on the weight loss wagon much sooner every time... and spending less time laying in the dirt whining that I fell off again.

The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

The good? I have survived Day 1 of not smoking! Plus I still went to the gym and got in some cardio.

The bad? I am a mess. I need a distraction yet I can't focus on anything long enough for it to really distract me. The nap helped. But I can't nap the whole time!

The ugly? I decided it was OK to have some m&m's because it is better than smoking. Very, Very, VERY bad decision! Now, not only do I feel guilty as hell (they didn't even taste that good!) but I feel a little ill, and I can't even have a cigarette to take away the icky feeling (it usually helps). ARGH!


The solution? I am going for a walk around the block to clear my head. Maybe it will help.

Hanging in there. I know from experience the second 24hours is much worse than the first (Oh Jebus help me!)

A Pound For Your Thoughts?

Dear Readers, Lurkers, Accidental Visitors, and the like,

While of course I have started this blog primarily for myself and a place to put my meager meanderings, I know that you are out there somewhere in the cyber universe. And the fact that you are reading this right now kind of makes my head spin. That you would take the time out of your day to see what this chubby little chickie is up to makes my day.

I'm sure in the short time I have had this blog, you are getting a little insight into me and where I'm coming from and where I'm trying to get to. But I'd love to hear from you. I know that by blogging it is my choice to throw myself out there, and you, the reader, also have that same choice. To reveal or not to reveal: that is the question. But if you feel the need to say something, have advice, a funny anecdote, whatever! anything at all... please feel free to share! I would love to hear from you!

Of course, as the saying goes 'if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all'.

xox 105

PS. And my sincere apologies for not posting this morning's blog yet. It is patiently sitting in my iPod Touch for me to make a few corrections before I post it. Today has been much busier than I thought. It may have to wait for the train ride home (oh joy... if there's one thing worse than morning rush hour, it's afternoon rush hour. Sure, everyone's had their coffee but by then the buzz has definitely worn off)

The Real Me Always Knows Best

6am: woke up

615am: yogurt and banana in my belly, preceeded to have the following arguement with myself...

Fat Me: But I don't wanna go to the gym!
Real Me: No! You're going!
Fat Me: But I don't feel like it. I'm so tired. I didn't get enough sleep.
Real Me: Just GO. Just get on the treadmill. 10 minutes of walking. If you still feel this way, I promise, I will let you off the hook.
Fat Me: Urrrrg...
Real Me: C'mon... otherwise you got up early for nothing.
Fat Me: OK, fine! But just 10 minutes. Then we're going to have another talk.

635am: On treadmill...

Fat Me: Oh, that wasn't so bad.
Real Me: See, I knew you could do it!
Fat Me: Honestly, I'm really not in the mood. But I'm here, so I might as well go for it. Hell, let's even do intervals.
Real Me: Awesome! You won't regret this. Even if you're sore later. You won't regret it. I PROMISE.

705am: Warm up, workout, cool down complete. Hit 'End Workout' on Nike+. Not feeling as amazing as I usually do after a workout but I am accounting that to lack of sleep. And then here comes my reward... As I'm wiping down the equipment I hear on my iPod...

"...Congratulations. You have completed a new personal best for the mile"

Hell YES! That's what I'm talkin' about!!! Oh Real Me, you always know what's best :)



SIDENOTE: Today so far I have eaten:
-- 6oz yogurt
-- 1 banana
-- coffee, no sugar, with skim milk
-- crispbread with vegemite (I'm Australian. It's my thing... let it go. lol)
-- 2 hard boiled eggs

NOTE TO SELF: Lesson still to learn - get to bed early when you know you have to be up early! When will you learn??