Dear Weight Loss Gods,
You have taught me a lot in the past two years. That I must stay strong and determined; I must find a constant source of motivation to keep me committed to seeing this through; that positive thinking more often than not leads to positive results. I am grateful to know these things and employ them whenever I feel down, lost, or falling off track. But perhaps the hardest lesson I have yet to learn is to keep my faith in you.
You see, sometimes, I really do get everything right. I eat the right portions every 2-4 hours. I get in at least 30 minutes of exercise daily. I drink 8 glasses of water a day, sometimes more. Yet my clothes do not feel different, and the scale does not change. Sometimes the scale even goes up! (Is that you testing my faith, or just wanting to see my reaction? Because it might seem amusing to watch me tear my hair out and pace around my apartment like a loony wondering what I did wrong, but I can tell you right now. It's no fun! Trust me, you will get more entertainment out of me if the scale goes down and you watch me scream and shout with glee and do a little happy dance)
And I try to stay positive. And have faith that eating right, exercising, and drinking lots of water is enough. It has to be enough. But time and time again this year you test my faith that this is all it takes. But I am confused because this is all I can do.
Perhaps you think my body needs a little rest. Maybe I overdid it and my muscles need to repair. It could be that you are working with Mother Nature and making me retain water and bloat this week. I am not sure of the answer. I just have to keep faith that you know what you're doing and will reward me soon with a smaller number on the scale and on the tags on my clothes.
Being the control freak that I am, I try to take matters into my own hands. I try to change it up. I try to mess around with it in the hopes that something will move. But it doesn't. (And in another of your cruel jokes, sometimes you even make the numbers go up! Is that your way of telling me I'm wrong? Because a simple slap on the hand would suffice) But truthfully, I am not sure of what I am doing. So I know deep down the best thing to do is to trust you. Calories in versus calories out is the most basic and essential rules of weight loss, so I am trying hard to keep faith in that and in you.
Because you of all people, dear Weight Loss Gods, the ones I pray to daily - sometimes even more than once a day - know that I am not done yet. I am grateful for all the progress we have made together thus far, but I KNOW that I am NOT being greedy when I say I still want more. And I deserve more. I will persevere. I will stay strong. I will find new motivation. I will think positive thoughts. I will stay committed. Why? Because I have faith.
Please don't let me down.
July 27th, 2017 A Practice of Learning
11 hours ago