It's All About Me (deal with it!)

For once in my life, I am trying to be totally selfish and put ME first.

This is a type of selfishness I have never known. To stand up and say 'No! Me and my health is more important than your favor/deadline/whatever!' It's a surprisingly hard type of selfish to learn. To constantly make yourself a priority; to make time for yourself to do what needs to be done.

As a soon-to-be-former workaholic, it's very easy to put your health at the bottom of your to-do list. Fast food, no sleep, stress, pressure... it can really weigh you down. Literally! But I don't want to bore you with every minuscule detail of who I am and how I got here (you gotta keep a little mystery at first you know? ) so here's the (rather large!) Cliff Notes version of how I got here:

• 2000: retired from dancing at 18 years old. Gained the typical weight a retired dancer gains and then some!
• 2001-2003: Attended a prestigious (and life-consuming!) drama conservatory for my Bachelor's degree. With a minimum schedule of 40 hours p/wk that could escalate to 70, sometimes even 80 hours p/wk, my health and my size were put on the backburner.
• 2003-2005: After graduating I learned that the only way to get ahead was to absolutely commit to my career. And get ahead I did, however by then my weight was so low on the list of priorities it had pretty much fallen off the list altogether.
• 2005-2008: Moved to New York to pursue my career and attain my Master's degree. So completely removed from anyone or anything I have ever known, I didn't know whether I wanted to rejoice or cry. Turns out I did both. Rejoiced for my career. And cried for my size and weight.
• 2006: "Lose Weight" had crept back on to the bottom of the to-do list. Next to it was a firm "when you're ready" label.
  
• 2007: In July 2007 I got sick and tired of waiting for "when you're ready" to happen, so I made it happen - whether I liked it or not!
• 2007: Joined Nutrisystem and lost 50lbs in 4 months!
• 2008: Plateaued HARD and decided I needed more accountability, and food that actually tasted half decent. Switched (back) to Jenny Craig (I had been before when I was much younger) and lost 30lbs almost instantly.
• 2008-2009: Work, the contraceptive pill, visa issues... the obstacles never cease! Seem to keep losing/gaining/maintaining the same 5-10lbs.
• Today: after about 10 months of not seeing any solid, continuous weight loss, again I am sick and tired of waiting for the problem to solve itself. Self, you're about to get your butt kicked back into losin' mode whether you like it or not!

Just like a race, it's the sprint to the finish that is the most important but also the hardest part. This is by no means a race, but in terms of where I am in this journey I am definitely at least half way through, if not more. Fantastic, right? Absolutely! But if I thought the first part was hard, it's about to get harder. Much, MUCH harder...

But I am determined to be strong enough to take on the challenge. I need the refreshed energy and enthusiasm and eagerness to succeed that I had two years ago when I was just starting out with this goal. I am hoping this blog will give me a new outlet to keep me motivated, and be a source of inspiration and a sign of my unwavering commitment to myself and this decision I have made.

I KNOW I can do this. Why? Because the ONLY thing that is standing in my way is ME.

And I refuse to let my fat ass get in my way any more!