This is a type of selfishness I have never known. To stand up and say 'No! Me and my health is more important than your favor/deadline/whatever!' It's a surprisingly hard type of selfish to learn. To constantly make yourself a priority; to make time for yourself to do what needs to be done.
As a soon-to-be-former workaholic, it's very easy to put your health at the bottom of your to-do list. Fast food, no sleep, stress, pressure... it can really weigh you down. Literally! But I don't want to bore you with every minuscule detail of who I am and how I got here (you gotta keep a little mystery at first you know? ) so here's the (rather large!) Cliff Notes version of how I got here:
- 2000: retired from dancing at 18 years old. Gained the typical weight a retired dancer gains and then some!
- 2001-2003: Attended a prestigious (and life-consuming!) drama conservatory for my Bachelor's degree. With a minimum schedule of 40 hours p/wk that could escalate to 70, sometimes even 80 hours p/wk, my health and my size were put on the backburner.
- 2003-2005: After graduating I learned that the only way to get ahead was to absolutely commit to my career. And get ahead I did, however by then my weight was so low on the list of priorities it had pretty much fallen off the list altogether.
- 2005-2008: Moved to New York to pursue my career and attain my Master's degree. So completely removed from anyone or anything I have ever known, I didn't know whether I wanted to rejoice or cry. Turns out I did both. Rejoiced for my career. And cried for my size and weight.
- 2006: "Lose Weight" had crept back on to the bottom of the to-do list. Next to it was a firm "when you're ready" label.
- 2007: In July 2007 I got sick and tired of waiting for "when you're ready" to happen, so I made it happen - whether I liked it or not!
- 2007: Joined Nutrisystem and lost 50lbs in 4 months!
- 2008: Plateaued HARD and decided I needed more accountability, and food that actually tasted half decent. Switched (back) to Jenny Craig (I had been before when I was much younger) and lost 30lbs almost instantly.
- 2008-2009: Work, the contraceptive pill, visa issues... the obstacles never cease! Seem to keep losing/gaining/maintaining the same 5-10lbs.
- Today: after about 10 months of not seeing any solid, continuous weight loss, again I am sick and tired of waiting for the problem to solve itself. Self, you're about to get your butt kicked back into losin' mode whether you like it or not!
But I am determined to be strong enough to take on the challenge. I need the refreshed energy and enthusiasm and eagerness to succeed that I had two years ago when I was just starting out with this goal. I am hoping this blog will give me a new outlet to keep me motivated, and be a source of inspiration and a sign of my unwavering commitment to myself and this decision I have made.
I KNOW I can do this. Why? Because the ONLY thing that is standing in my way is ME.
And I refuse to let my fat ass get in my way any more!