Friday, November 13, 2009

FFFF#12: Do You See What I See?

I almost missed Factors for being Fat Free Friday! This week has been crazy. Slipping but not quite. Succeeding but not really. Lots of ups & downs, lack of sleep, work, school, study, repeat. Not to mention the guy I was seeing for a year and a half has come back into the picture (wow, did he really mean it when he said he needed a break? Was I too cynical in assuming it was a break up?). I still don't know where he belongs, but I will say I am thinking things through carefully and I'm just glad to have him back in my life because I missed him. As a person in my life I mean. So we're talking. (I never quite understood what people meant by 'we're talking, we're feeling things out' until now. NOW I know!)

Anyway! This isn't about my crazy life, this is about why I want this more than anything. I want to like what I see the in the mirror. I want to be hungry for this again (no pun intended). I want to be ruthless, religious, and uncompromising about every decision I make. I used to be like that when I first started this journey back in 2007. Now I don't even see when I'm slacking off. Anyone who tells you this journey wasn't hard was lying. Throw in a crazy schedule and goings-ons and it's twice as hard.

But I can do it. I must. I want to like what I see looking back at me in the mirror. Every single inch of her I want to like. The assets & the flaws, I accept them all because overall I want to like what I see.

I don't yet. But I'm getting there.

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