Saturday, October 10, 2009

A Weight Lifted

I feel as though an enormous weight has been lifted, and I am extremely surprised that I feel this way.

After 16 months, the guy I was seeing called it off. His comments over the past month or so, and definitely in the last week were leading in the direction of wanting a fresh start, and I thought that he was telling me this because he wanted me to be part of this 'new chapter' of his life. Alas, it was the other way around. He was just having trouble saying the part about wanting me NOT to be a part of it. On Thursday I was a mess; I suspected what he was trying to say, but he was still being vague. I couldn't focus, I was shaking with a mixture of mental & emotional exhaustion and nervous energy. I got home and balled my eyes out, I needed the release. And I will admit, I haven't slept so well in a very long time.

Early this morning (Friday) he contacted me again and I forced him to give me a yes or a no: Does he want me in his life? When he answered with "I don't want anyone in my life right now" (pfft! Still not an answer!) it may not have been a yes or a no, but it clarified where I stood with him. But very surprisingly, my initial feeling was relief.

Here I was ready to fight for this guy, talk through all this and work it out but the second I heard him 'fess up and start being really clear, I knew he was right. Things had run their course. And you know what? For once I don't regret a single thing. He taught me a lot & he will always be special to me.

They say "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." I have never believed that more than I do right now.

I wish him all the best, and for the first time ever, I really DO hope we can be friends at some point in the future. For the first time ever I do not want him to be 'Dead To Me'.

As for me and how I'm coping? Like I said, surprisingly relief is the majority of what I'm feeling. Also disappointment and missing him a little already but mostly I feel a huge weight off my shoulders. Which is definitely a good thing. To me it means that it is mutual. And an even better thing: There is no ice cream in sight. Instead, the opposite. I feel like I can now focus entirely on me and my weight loss.

I am so happy that my reaction to this is to use the time I used to spend with him or think about him, I will now be using to focus on and think about me. This may just be a reaction and some sort of coping mechanism. But hey, if it keeps the running shoes on and keeps me out of the Ben & Jerry's aisle then I'm going to run with it! (pun intended)

And even better yet, I lost 2.2lbs this past week which is a great loss for me. Something may be coming to an end so that he start a brand new chapter in his life. But the heart of the matter is, it's time for me to start a whole new chapter as well. And that's a very exciting development. As much as I am feeling disappointed and a little blue, I am also feeling empowered and brave. It's an unexpected pleasant feeling out of what could have been a drama-filled, emotionally overloaded situation.

So a very emotionally exhausting week for me. I thought it was going to be all bad, and this week completely surprised me as did my emotions and reactions, and turned out to be all good!

“What's meant to be will always find a way.”

- Trisha Yearwood

PS. I realize I have put much more personal detail in this post than I usually would, and of course feel free to comment on it, but unless I really feel compelled to do otherwise, I will only respond to weight loss portions of the comments. Thanks for understanding!

PPS. I am thinking this is just a coincidence but I am noticing I lose more weight and am more focused on weight loss when I do not have a steady guy in my life. But that is a topic best left for another post.


  1. (((hugs)))

    I know how hard this is as I broke up an 18 month relationship recently too. Even though I knew it was right, I still missed him/the routine/the presence of someone. It is hard, but sometimes being single is also good.

    You sound very positive and that will be a big help!

  2. You have such a positive attitude and I believe that it is key to success! I have been there too and if you need a little bit of laughter, I would like to suggest a book called "It's Called a Break-up Because It is Broken." It helped me laugh when I wanted to cry and it really made me see things that I never saw before. It also gives you ideas on how to heal and keep the postive attitude. On another note, you Tweeted about finding a trainer and a specific gender. I've had many trainers in the past, male, female, good, and bad. My thought is to find a trainer you feel comfortable with and who inspires you. I have had two great female trainers and one great male trainer. I would also caution you if you decide to go with a trainer at the gym. They usually will pair you up with a male trainer who most of the time is good looking...they just want to sell you more sessions (they all have a quota they have to meet). I would take the time to observe the trainers in action (see which ones look like they are pushing his/her client and which one seems to actually work out more than talk). Also, I've had a test runs with trainers and it is okay to switch trainers if you don't like their style. I have also talked to trainers at the gym before signing up and told the fitness manager that I wanted someone who is more like a boot camp instructor and who can also challenge me. I've had great success with trainers that are more like Jillian than Bob. Good luck with your search! :o)


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