Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Forgive Me, For I Have Sinned

OK. Confession Time.

I don't understand why this has been so hard for me to admit because this blog is anonymous after all. I think I fear the failure as well as the judgment and pity party. But here goes....

You may remember I started this blog when my favourite JC consultant left JC for bigger and better things. At the time I also decided it would be the perfect time to take a little break from the food and gorge myself on summer fresh fruits, vegetables, and salads. I promised myself 4 weeks of eating what I wanted (without going overboard) and seeing if I could do it.

True to my word I returned to JC in September. And the biggest reason I did? I was clueless without it! Now, I know a lot of you will say that I have to learn eventually so you might as well learn now. But I disagree. That does not work for me. It's too much to handle and I know me well enough to know that I need to take baby steps or else I might thrown in the towel. So I need tackle one thing at a time: First I want to get the weight off, then I will work on how to eat to maintain (instead of learning how to eat to lose). In my mind, a slip when I'm already at my desired size is very different to a slip while I'm still trying to get there.

But there's another reason. You may notice my tickers have not been moving. That's because I'm scared to update them. In those 4 weeks away I GAINED 10LBS.

OMG I can barely believe I just admitted that. But it's true. I gained 9.8lbs to be exact. And I NEED to confess in order to progress :)

Because despite being sick and my crazy schedule now that I am back to JC, I am slowly but surely losing again. And I can't track it on here because I'm not being honest about my current weight. So like last Thursday when I was so happy that I lost 1.4lbs? I felt like I couldn't share it because losing 1.4lbs was still 7.4 UP from my original weight for this blog.

But enough of that! It's in the past! Breathe & reboot!

SO! OCTOBER GOAL: Back to 260 (or beyond).

It pains me to say that. But it must be done. It also pains me because it makes my ultimate goal a little harder to reach in the time frame I originally wanted; but like I said previously I still intend on making it eventually, even if it takes ANOTHER 365 days.

And it's more important that I am completely honest. The good, the bad, AND the ugly. After all, too much denial has taken place already. Because I know when I weighed 336lbs I told myself I didn't care and it didn't matter. How I believed that, I'll never know. But one thing's for sure: denial doesn't live here anymore and honesty must, must, MUST exist at all times.

I feel like I should say 5 Hail Marys and then go for a run. But seeing as I'm not overtly religious, I think I'll just go for the run instead.


  1. SIGH...doesn't it feel good to be free? I struggle with the same things, I think we fee like lying to ourselves isn't really hurting or some dumb crap. I know you will make your goal!

    I am struggling as well, we can do this!

  2. Hey - I just joined your blog =) as we are on the same path..sort of. I have a blog as well.. come on over sometime and read - it WILL make you feel better as I just went thru alot of the same emotions haha mine is My goal is to lose 168 lbs and I have now lost 51 (since March) I am not following JC, WW or any of the "programs" out there.. I decided if I was going to do this - I needed to do it right from the beginning (not saying that is right for everyone..just MY choice) I recently hit the 50 lbs mark and was sooo excited!! The next week..I gained a pound..WHAT??!! and the next week ..I gained .6 HUH??!! lol however - this week..i lost 2.6 so I finally got that scale moving back in the right direction haha Good Luck and I will be around - it is always nice to be able to commiserate(sp?) with others going thru the same things.. GOOD LUCK and CONGRATS on getting back on track!! =)

  3. {ALL} for the Better Life - I don't know if it feels so much better to admit it, but it does feel good that I'm being honest from this point forward! Thank you for your support! It means heaps knowing I'm not alone!

    sweetpea5899 - thanks for dropping by and thanks for your support! We definitely have one thing in common: overall, we each plan on losing the weight of one average person. yowsa! it's scary when you think about it like that, isn't it? Well, scary and enpowering :)


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